My Self Paradigm

I reflected on my life and I noticed a thread on how I have been able to navigate challenges and relationships with people. And I noticed there is a “Self Paradigm” that guides my interaction with life and others. I titled it the “S’s” and find them below.

Self Awareness: I tried to constantly understand myself, who am I? Why am I doing what I am doing? What is my journey? And how is it different from other people’s journeys? Knowing who I am kind of helps me deal with any challenges that are coming from outside and helps my relationship with others as well. If you don't have peace on the inside, there is no way you can with the outside. I would not allow what is going on with me affect another person. It is none of their business that I am going through what I am going through.

Self-conversation: To be self-aware, you need constantly speak to yourself and it goes back to the questions I asked myself in the Self Awareness paradigm. Why am I feeling this way? Why am I jealous? Why do I feel resented? What happened? Why was I rejected? So I have honest conversations with myself and it helps me process things. It is the same when I receive feedback. What did I do wrong? Oh, I should not have done this or that. I can be better next time. Having a self-conversation could also mean you journal or write your thoughts down to better process it and it makes you more aware of who you are and the darkness within you and also recognize the lights.

Self-criticality: I reflect a lot on my words and what I do and say. I try to challenge myself a lot and hold myself to high moral standards. If I tell people not to do something, I should not be the one at the forefront of doing it. I mean, it is the same with how I lead people and my organization. To achieve self-criticality or at the center of it is self-evaluation. To currently know where I am at? How am I doing? What am I doing correctly or wrongly? What do I need to stop doing? What do I need to keep doing? What is it that I am calling myself that I am not? This kind of helps me a lot and helps me to improve, grow and develop.

Self Compassion: This is the last one in my “SELF” paradigm. I am human, I would make mistakes that's fine. The ability to reflect on the mistake, forgive ourselves, and work on it is what makes us human. For example, some words we should not have said to others. Some judgments we should not have made. Some wrong assumptions. That's fine at times, we need to forgive ourselves and move on. Self-compassion helps us to reflect on our mistakes, forgive ourselves, and become better humans.

I am still reflecting on this “Self paradigm” and I hope to continue to learn through that lens and grow.

Hammed Kayode Alabi (c) 2022